Wife: I am not upset.
Husband (believes that and sighs, thinking he is gonna get lucky tonight): Great, what are you making for dinner tonight?
Wife: #$#% #$%#%$
Husband (totally confused): What?
It’s a known fact that the way men and women communicate is different in more than one ways. A slew of research proves this. There is a sea of difference in what women say and what men understand; and it holds equally true vice versa as well. Interestingly, more often than not, the intended meaning behind what they say to each other is always something else; something vague and unfathomable. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus might be true after all.
What she says and what she means:
1. She says: There is nothing wrong.
What she means: Obviously there is something wrong, you jerk. Can’t you be a little sensitive for once?
Tip: Boys, on hearing this sentence, don’t just feel all is right and go back to your football game. Because if there was a negative marking for such a thing, your score which managed to be in double digits after years of understanding, could hit an all time low and come down straight to single digit.
The best part for you boys is that you don’t really have to have a dia-logue, or give any suggestions. You just have to listen well (or at least pretend), and let her cool off her steam. And look empathetic, nod in between (but don’t overdo please) and just agree to what she says. You might really get lucky at night.
2. She says: I think we need to talk.
What she means: Brace yourself up for a serious discussion. I am going to talk and you are going to listen.
Tip: You thought you would be talking about how that movie is faring at the box office? LOL!
Boys whenever you feel that she has been letting you have your way for some time now, you can be assured that a silent storm is brewing. As the years go by, you will become instinctively tuned to this; and will be able to predict impending explosions almost correctly someday.
I wish I had a real tip to give. But I guess it has to be a gradual learning curve.
3. She asks: Am I looking fat?
What she means: She wants an assurance form you that she is not looking fat, and does not really want an honest answer.
Tip: Men, she wants to be assured that you will love her, no matter what her weight is, and that your love for her is not superficial. So even if she looks like a red box in that red dress, you can’t/ should not give an honest answer; even if she is looking at you with earnest eyes.
What you do instead is, say:
- You look great the way you are, and I wouldn’t want you to fret about your weight.
- You are not looking fat, you look curvier and I like you this way (White lies!!).
- Who said you are fat?? (feign total disbelief) (If you are convincing, she might get you back in double digits)
- You are not fat, you are just pleasantly plump. And there is more to love. (Men, this answer doesn’t work with every woman, know your type well or avoid this answer)
4. She says: I don’t know where the relationship is going.
What She means: I have had enough of cleaning your laundry and obliging all the time. You can’t treat me like a doormat and behave like I-can’t-be-bothered.
Tip: If she is your wife, you are in deep sh**. Probably you want to offer doing laundry henceforth or cleaning dishes. The smart husband is the one who chooses to do the chore his wife hates the most.
If she is your Girlfriend:
- She is either asking for a commitment (tell her that you were going to suggest this yourself, and you are glad that both of you are thinking the same.)
- Or she is so fed up of you that she just wants to dump you. (If she has made up her mind, I am afraid boys it’s too late. Nothing you say will make her stay.)
5. She says: Isn’t my friend Sarah really pretty?
What She means: She wants to know if you are checking out her friends.
Tip: it’s almost a catch-22 situation. And there can’t be perfect answer to this. If you say, she is pretty, that obviously means that you mean your own girl is not as pretty.
If you say that you never really checked her out, because you had your eyes glued on only her (your own girl), she will obviously figure you are lying.
Your best bet would be to divert her mind or excuse yourself.
Real meanings for her seemingly harmless words:
- I am really sorry – But you will be sorry soon
- Fine – nothing is fine
- Do what you like – Means you do what she told you to
- Aren’t these shoes pretty – my birthday is round the corner, make a mental note.
- Give me 5 minutes to dress up – you may take a small nap
- Do you really love me? – I have something to confess.
- Did you like this dish – say yes, and if you say no, be prepared to eat out.
- Don’t argue – I am PMSing, leave me alone. Or just hug me and say you love me.
I would like to clarify, before I get a backlash from any of you girls, all is written in good humour and is highly stereotyped. 🙂 I know my friends are different.
Boys wait on: the next blog is, “what he says and what he means”
Girls: Wink, Wink.