Girls and boys….contd…

As expected, my post on ‘Girls and Boys – Part 1’ had all my guy friends nodding in agreement and all my girl friends were furious and snickering at such a shallow typecasting.

Usually, boys/men are not really verbose. They are painfully direct and to the point. They really say, what they mean. Yes, I know that’s a hard truth to digest. Sigh! But that is usually the truth. Unlike us girls, they won’t sugar coat things, and build an entire scenario to come to the point. Hence, there is always the mismatch in coding and decoding between inter-gender communications. We, on one hand, never really say the exact things that we want, for the want of sounding not-rude, understanding, compassionate, reasonable, mature or whatever. They, on the other hand, are typically inapt at beating around the bush. But still there are many things typical of a man to say, when he CLEARLY means something else.

Ok girls, now listen up! Like I promised, we won’t be sparing the boys, and I will keep up to it. I am listing down some of the things that men say and what actually they mean. Please feel free to add to the list and let’s make it a real long one together. Wink!

What he says and what he means:

1. He says: I think I am falling for you/ I like your hair/shoes/etc.

 What he means: You really interest him. You are on his mind more often than he would like to acknowledge, even to himself.

Tip: It’s more likely that he is just testing the waters. It’s a pre-cursor to what he might really have in mind. He just wants to make sure that you are also riding the same wave as him. And if he proposes, he doesn’t want to face an embarrassing rejection. Girls, it’s your hint at knowing where you really want to take things with him.

2. He says: Why don’t you catch up with your girl gang today? Its been really long you met them.

What he means: He is not being very considerate and willing to look after the kids while you have your fun. He really wants to watch that football match over beer with his cronies. And he wants to have fun with his guy gang.

Tip: It’s just that he wants to go anyhow; today or in the next couple of days. If he lets you go out, obviously you won’t stop him from having his fun. It’s a pure bargain. Just calculative give and take. And hopefully no ulterior motive here. So, let him just go and you have your own fun too.

3. He says: Okay, let’s go for that movie.

What he means: I wouldn’t have gone for that movie under any circumstance. I am only going because you want.

Tip: Again a calculative game. He goes with you for that movie willingly so that you can’t put your foot down when he wants to go for some sci-fi or action flick.

Or it could also mean (in rare cases):

  • He really wants you to be happy, even if that means going to that movie.
  • He wants to make you happy, because he really loves you or wants you to take you to bed.
  • He is just of a very accommodating nature and your happiness is his top most priority.

After a dinner date, he comes to drop you home

4. He says: (In case you are one of those girls, who live in their own house, away from parents)

Why don’t we sip some coffee together?

He means: I am sure you know what ‘coffee after dinner dates’ is a metaphor for.

Tip:  Haven’t we all watched this clichéd line in scores of Hollywood movies? He just wants to go to bed with you. Obviously, he can’t straight away tell you, ‘honey let’s just have sex and get done with it.’ So it’s a subtle cue, to gauge your interest. If things don’t turn out the way he thought, at least he can convince himself that he had just come for coffee. Real coffee.

5. He says: Let’s go out for dinner tonight.

 

What he means: If you are his wife: I am tired of all the inedible things you try to pass off as dinner.

If you are his girlfriend: I really like you and dinner is just to check if there could be any interesting possibilities between us.

 

Tip: Don’t let all his flattery charm you too much and take you off guard.

Side note: He might just have taken you out for dinner without any specific agenda. May be we should not let our women-minds over analyse the situation.

6. He says: You look different.

He means: He can’t exactly put his finger on what exactly is different. He didn’t exactly notice your hair cut.

Or he means you are looking bad. Different is a subtle way of saying that dress is unflattering.

Tip: Look right into his eyes and dare him to say clearly what is looking different.

If he is really one of those rare sensitive types, he doesn’t want to hurt you by saying that you are looking bad, right on your face. He wants you to take the cue.

 

7. He says: My mom’s choley/pasta/halwa is out of the world.

He means: Your choley/pasta/halwa doesn’t even come close. You suck at it.

Tip: Ouch! Yes, I know you put your whole evening making that dish. You just take it with a pinch of salt, smile back sweetly and say, “I am sure”.

 

So girls, I am looking forward to see some more ‘what-he-says-and-what-he-means’ comments down here.

 

Advertisements

Girls and boys

 

Wife: I am not upset.

Husband (believes that and sighs, thinking he is gonna get lucky tonight): Great, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Wife: #$#% #$%#%$

Husband (totally confused): What?

ROFL

It’s a known fact that the way men and women communicate is different in more than one ways. A slew of research proves this. There is a sea of difference in what women say and what men understand; and it holds equally true vice versa as well. Interestingly, more often than not, the intended meaning behind what they say to each other is always something else; something vague and unfathomable. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus might be true after all.

What she says and what she means:

1. She says: There is nothing wrong.

What she means: Obviously there is something wrong, you jerk. Can’t you be a little sensitive for once?

Tip: Boys, on hearing this sentence, don’t just feel all is right and go back to your football game. Because if there was a negative marking for such a thing, your score which managed to be in double digits after years of understanding, could hit an all time low and come down straight to single digit.

The best part for you boys is that you don’t really have to have a dia-logue, or give any suggestions. You just have to listen well (or at least pretend), and let her cool off her steam. And look empathetic, nod in between (but don’t overdo please) and just agree to what she says. You might really get lucky at night.

2. She says: I think we need to talk.

What she means: Brace yourself up for a serious discussion. I am going to talk and you are going to listen.

 Tip: You thought you would be talking about how that movie is faring at the box office? LOL!

Boys whenever you feel that she has been letting you have your way for some time now, you can be assured that a silent storm is brewing. As the years go by, you will become instinctively tuned to this; and will be able to predict impending explosions almost correctly someday.

I wish I had a real tip to give. But I guess it has to be a gradual learning curve.

3. She asks: Am I looking fat?

What she means: She wants an assurance form you that she is not looking fat, and does not really want an honest answer.

Tip: Men, she wants to be assured that you will love her, no matter what her weight is, and that your love for her is not superficial. So even if she looks like a red box in that red dress, you can’t/ should not give an honest answer; even if she is looking at you with earnest eyes.

What you do instead is, say:

  • You look great the way you are, and I wouldn’t want you to fret about your weight.
  • You are not looking fat, you look curvier and I like you this way (White lies!!).
  • Who said you are fat?? (feign total disbelief) (If you are convincing, she might get you back in double digits)
  • You are not fat, you are just pleasantly plump. And there is more to love. (Men, this answer doesn’t work with every woman, know your type well or avoid this answer)

4. She says: I don’t know where the relationship is going.

What She means: I have had enough of cleaning your laundry and obliging all the time. You can’t treat me like a doormat and behave like I-can’t-be-bothered.

Tip: If she is your wife, you are in deep sh**. Probably you want to offer doing laundry henceforth or cleaning dishes. The smart husband is the one who chooses to do the chore his wife hates the most.

If she is your Girlfriend:

  • She is either asking for a commitment (tell her that you were going to suggest this yourself, and you are glad that both of you are thinking the same.)
  • Or she is so fed up of you that she just wants to dump you. (If she has made up her mind, I am afraid boys it’s too late. Nothing you say will make her stay.)

5. She says: Isn’t my friend Sarah really pretty? 

What She means: She wants to know if you are checking out her friends.

 Tip: it’s almost a catch-22 situation. And there can’t be perfect answer to this. If you say, she is pretty, that obviously means that you mean your own girl is not as pretty.

If you say that you never really checked her out, because you had your eyes glued on only her (your own girl), she will obviously figure you are lying.

Your best bet would be to divert her mind or excuse yourself.

Real meanings for her seemingly harmless words:

  • I am really sorry – But you will be sorry soon
  • Fine – nothing is fine
  • Do what you like – Means you do what she told you to
  • Aren’t these shoes pretty – my birthday is round the corner, make a mental note.
  • Give me 5 minutes to dress up –  you may take a small nap
  • Do you really love me? – I have something to confess.
  • Did you like this dish – say yes, and if you say no, be prepared to eat out.
  • Don’t argue – I am PMSing, leave me alone. Or just hug me and say you love me.

I would like to clarify, before I get a backlash from any of you girls, all is written in good humour and is highly stereotyped. 🙂 I know my friends are different.

Boys wait on: the next blog is, “what he says and what he means”

Girls: Wink, Wink.

Workout, really?

Hi Friends,

I am very happy to see your encouraging responses to my blogs and it is a great feeling to know that what I write is touching some right chords somewhere. If my stories make you laugh even a wee bit, or they make you smile or even if they make you cry (though I genuinely hope that’s not the case too often…and I definitely hope they don’t make you feel like pulling out your hair), I would feel content at doing my bit. At evoking some emotions. Some of my friends have been suggesting me to write about a particular subject, so that I (meaning my Blog) can get a better hit ratio and a better SEO ranking. But really, I don’t have a fixed agenda here. I am here just to share my thoughts. I am not really writing to address any burning issues per se. I just write. About mundane. And through that, I know a lot of my friends are revisiting those pages of their lives that are filled with humdrum moments and are living it again, albeit momentarily. They are pausing to think some and reflect some and are also seeing the fun side of it.

Today I thought of sharing my observations on one such regular thing – Gym. What is about Gym that I want to share, you may wonder? Loads – I would say. Have you ever observed the people at Gym? I am always amazed at the kinds and kinds of people living in this world, and Gym-regulars form just a subset. I think there is no way you can put people in broad category boxes.  We are all so different. And it wouldn’t be entirely wrong if I say that there are as many categories as many people in this world.

I have been gymming for close to 7 years now…and I think I have made enough observation and have pooled enough experiences to back my theory. The people who go to Gym can be broadly divided into two main categories:

  1. People who come to work out
  2. People who think they come to work out

Now the first category (It’s a very small percentage) people are usually very committed to the entire exercise regime. For them, it’s not just a passing fad. They are not just regular; they actually come with some set-goal. They are focussed, attentive to the trainers and they actually feel guilty on the days they are not able to make it to the gym. They are warm and amicable but otherwise they have a clear demarcation in their mind; gym is a place to work out primarily. Not to make friends, gossip or bird-watch (which let me tell you is a major agenda on the list of many). They are self-motivated and don’t need anyone to push them to exercise. It’s also seen that they usually come alone. They come, smile at the receptionist, change into exercise clothes, work out, exchange a pleasantry or two here and there, change out of their work out clothes, smile once again at the receptionist on exit and go home.

The second category forms a majority. These are the people who make a maximum fuss about their weight. But they don’t want to take any real efforts. They buy expensive Gym-wear, footwear, protein shakes, and all the paraphernalia that go with the Gym. And amongst all this, they lose focus from their primary goal. They are not really self-motivated and hence highly irregular. They would hold on to the treadmill, chat up with a friend and keep it occupied.  Someone back home has to push them every day to use their membership fruitfully. They usually come in groups, have a merry time, talk, gossip, hit on girls/ boys (as applicable) and if in between somewhere they remember to exercise; they do a set or two.  When they see the needle on the weighing machine hasn’t moved one bit, they make a maximum fuss. They curse the Gym, the trainers, their hormones and everything they can possibly pass the blame on. They would spend more time lounging in the reception area than on the exercise floor, they would call for attention in any way possible. They would flaunt their gadgets, phones and do all the unnecessary things. They will flirt, hit on the opposite sex. Especially the guys, they want to know every girl’s name, whether she is single, whether she is on Facebook, what are her vital stats and in order get all that information, they will keep finding excuses to bump into them. They want to drop every girl home and earn some quick hot-brownie points. Some of them also are known to change their timings to match with that of the chick they are trying to get attention from. I am also fully aware that the girls are no less these days, but generally speaking, we at least have a few decades to go before we match up to your boisterousness (to put it mildly).

*** Since I am girl, and have been at the receiving end much too often, I would like to make a special point, at the risk of sounding sexist. Why do boys keep staring? And if they want to, can’t they be a little discreet about it? I mean, I agree that the attention sure is flattering sometimes, but not such an unabashed, and sometimes even voyeuristic display of thoughts. How can they not look away even when you catch their eye while they are staring at you? You can wear the most modest of the clothes and even then they won’t spare you. I mean we are not living in a barbaric age anymore, are we? How many more years are they going to take before they can finally digest the fact that there also exists another species called, ‘the females’ that has an anatomy only slightly different from theirs? However clichéd this dialogue may be, but it expresses our exasperation the best. Ghar mein Maa behen nai hai kya?

(All my guy friends are going to be in a temper reading this, and are not going to agree to this, I am sure. May be I am generalizing a bit too much, but even behind every lie is a grain of truth, haven’t you heard? But I mean no offence here; just wanted to drive a point.)

The reason I shared this story is because I am so amazed to see different kinds of people and i love observing them. I  am ever so intrigued. I bet Gyms can be an interesting ground for people who love sociology and psychology.