I wish I could dance

There are so many things I wish I knew. And topping the list is ‘dance’. I wish I knew to dance. Dance beautifully and gracefully.

To save myself from the awkwardness of dancing at my own wedding, I tried to learn a small jig. But I wasn’t able to lose myself in the music. It showed on my face that it didn’t come from within, that I was slightly hugely uncomfortable. It showed that my moves were learnt and rehearsed. It showed that I was trying too hard to remember my moves rather than just enjoy the dance.

Dance is such a beautiful expression of joy, freedom, happiness, passion, fun, and all kinds of emotions. I imagine it to be being so liberating. It’s is the most elegant outlet to all the pent up energy, isn’t it? And it is so glamorous. I wish I knew to dance. I wish I was not that awkward. I wish I was more flexible. I wish I didn’t have any inhibitions. I wish I had started very early in life.

I wish this was me

I wish this was me

When I see others dancing, losing themselves in music, enjoying, twisting, turning, making graceful moves, exuding joy and passion, expressing themselves through their dancing eyes…I want to be that person.

When I see couples waltzing away in their beautiful shimmery costumes…I want to be a part of that couple.

When I see someone surrendering to the music, I want to be that person.

When I see someone dancing to celebrate their victory, big or small, I want to be that person.

When I see someone burning the dance floor with their scintillating moves, I want to be that person.

When I see someone’s dance holding the entire audience enchanted and captivated, I want to be that person.

When I see a lady sexily moving her belly, I want to be that lady.

When I see a child pulling off very complex moves so effortlessly, I want to be that child.

When I see Bollywood heroines dancing their way to glory, I want to be that heroine.

But most of all, when I see someone losing oneself in dance so much, totally oblivious to the people around, and only focused on enjoying, I want to be that person the most.

I wish I knew to dance.

Some beautiful quotes on dance:

“We should consider everyday lost in which we don’t dance.” -Neitzsche

“Dance is a little insanity that does us all a lot of good.” -Edward Demby

“Dance isn’t something that can be explained in words. It has to be danced.”  -Paige Arden

“While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance.” -Hans Bos

“Thousands of emotions well up inside me through out the day. They are released when I dance.” -Abraham Lincon

“If I can not dance, I shall die!” -Anna Pavlova

What have I been upto?

So since you last heard from me a lot has happened. Did you miss me?

To say life changed will be an understatement.  After all, when your last name changes, it IS a big deal, isn’t it? Its not for no reason that people say marriage is a BIG milestone.

So apart from the obvious changes like change of residence and change of priorities, there are several small changes that hit you hard. Things that never were a big deal back then, now those very small, insignificant things become more conspicuous by their absence.

Like for example; there is a new pillow to deal with, which not necessarily matches your liking. There is a crushing realization of how much you miss your old pillow, bed and duvet. And that warm engulfing comfort of your worned-out duvet.

Then soon after you adjust with a new variety of toothpaste and  try to come to terms with it, you realize that your morning cup of coffee doesn’t taste quite the same. You instantly miss your old routine and that favourite coffee mug of yours, that lazy browsing of papers over coffee, that feeling of being at home completely because no one is judging you, your mother can shout as much as she wants, asking you to hurry but you will still take your own sweet time. You don’t have to be on your best behaviour with your mom, do you? Am not saying things are drastically different even now, but still there is that sense of responsibility that has crept in. Like I need to be on my best behaviour and shouldn’t give anyone a chance to complain. Everything is new, I am still to get a hang of things here. And though my mom-in-law is a darling, I still have my guards on.

Then my exercise routine has totally gone for a toss. Before I used to decide when I want to exercise, and the rest of the things would wait till I finish. Now rest of the things finish first, and exercise has taken an epic back seat. To make up for the loss, I have abandoned the lift completely. So even if I go down just twice, climbing up 15 floors is at least some exercise.

Then again, the comfort of those old tattered pyjamas and worn-out shorts  is not even close to the comfort of the new silks and satins I sleep in.

Do I sound like I am complaining? I am not, actually. I am just listing small changes that accompany the big change that marriage is.

The food changes

The TV viewing pattern changes

The kind of phone calls changes, and the kind of conversations changes. Like its strange when your parents call you and talk to you like you are some relative, whom they haven’t heard of in long. Heck, I was living with them till 2 weeks ago. So much changed. I am still getting used to the fact that my parents have to call me to check how I am doing.

But, if you are married to a wonderful person like I am, these changes are totally insignificant. These changes would happen even if someone changed his/her city, wont they? At least, that is how I reason with myself. That way I don’t feel overly emotional and my rational brain takes over. But Nikhil, my husband, is a cool guy, with his head firmly on his shoulder and feet firmly on ground.  He has been very understanding and adjusting, to make this transition as easy as possible for me. He is always trying to keep things light, is seen kidding around, cracking jokes and doing everything he can to make things a little easier for me.  So basically, he is a nice guy.  In fact, during my bidaai, he was almost moved to tears. By his own admission *he felt like a thief stealing someone’s daughter away and causing parents inconsolable grief*….haha..when he told me this, I just didn’t know how to react. But it was kind of cute 😛

And about the wedding, ya we did  manage to have a good, memorable and totally enjoyable wedding without any major glitches. There was food, dance, songs, laughter, tears and a lotttsss of fun…just like a classic big fat Indian wedding.

Some of my  precious moments:

That's Nikhil... say hi to him :P

That’s Nikhil… say hi to him 😛

JIT_0366

My Brother and I

Wedding Vows

Wedding Vows

Epic - moment with my grandmom

Epic – moment with my grandmom

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