Of new beginnings

It has been many weeks since I last came here to rant. Every time I go weeks without writing, it only gets more and more difficult to come back.  Where do I start? There are so many things that I want to share, but have been stopping myself because I was afraid it was a bit too premature. It still is really. These past few weeks have not been a bed of roses. There have been many a challenges, and many a changes, it has been nothing short of a roller coaster. TCG and I have been holding our fingers crossed for many weeks now!

This is not me complaining. This was our choosing. This is just me realising that there is long bridge to cross before we finally see things that we have been dreaming about take shape in real. This is the gap between perception and reality. The gap between what we wish and what is. This is the gap between imagining and doing. This is the gap between planning and action.

Between the two of us, I am the one to have ants in my pants all the time.  I am the restless one. He is the patient one. I am the one who gets bored sooner rather than later. So it was not really surprising that I had started to feel bored and wasted in my current job as in my previous ones. I have always dreamed about running my own business, albeit small. And this time, I had all the reasons. I didn’t really have a job that I was 100% happy with…what with moving countries, and paying my dues, and starting all over again right at the bottom and all that shit. We got our residency. We are young. We don’t have any major responsibilities yet and this is as good a time as it will be to enter the dangerous waters, to leave the job for something of my own. Challenging but exciting. Difficult but rewarding. Dynamic but satisfying.

I started whimpering, sending out subtle messages to TCG. About how my job didn’t really add any value. About how I was just putting in long hours but not really getting anywhere close to where I want to be. About how money should not be the only motivation. How I should really focus my time and energy on something I will really enjoy doing. About how we should be ready to forsake our current state of comfort and work on bigger things to achieve higher goals.

I hoped if I talked about it enough, TCG would take me seriously and sit back and listen. I needed him to be a part of this. I may be a bit daredevil and passionate, but passion alone is not enough to run a business. I need an anchor like him to keep me grounded. Someone like him to talk sense back into my head if I am just woolgathering and building castles in the air.  I wanted him to approve and I wanted him to be convinced. I needed TCG to work along with me so that we could evaluate all aspects of starting a business before we take any risky steps. Without him and his nod, I could not start. He, with his analytical mind and spreadsheet skills, was what I needed to put the numbers together and to chalk out a plan. To decide if it was actually viable. I ranted and ranted till he would listen. And listen, he did. And how! Exactly the way I wanted.  And before long, we were neck deep in planning and action.

Juggling our full time jobs, TCG and I have been working evenings and weekends for the past few months to put all the pieces together. Doing our due diligence and market research. Networking and making contacts, getting cost estimates, getting our heads around the whole value chain. But the bubble was soon burst, when at the very first step we encountered a sea of hindrances. We have sorted out the steps that will follow, at least in our minds and on paper; but step 1 eludes us. It really is a waiting game. We really want it to work. We are waiting. Every time we think we have just about reached there, something doesn’t work out. We find ourselves in a tricky situation. We worry momentarily and start over. It is draining, makes us question our idea, makes us want to give up and go back to the comfort of a job. But we are not ready to give up.

When step 1 completes, it will be a big boost. I know this post has been evasive; but so are all other things around me at the moment. I will share more details when step 1 completes. Until then, I need all your good wishes and more.

And in middle of all this chaos, we suddenly find ourselves in a situation where we have to move houses. The landlord is coming back to live in the beautiful house we are living in at the moment. What timing! This should be a whole post in itself.